


I've Only Taken My Bleedin' Hat Trick

by Dipdipdipmyblueship



Category: Coronation Street
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27560731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dipdipdipmyblueship/pseuds/Dipdipdipmyblueship
Summary: Cece is having difficulty choosing which story to update...
Relationships: Carla Connor/Peter Barlow





	I've Only Taken My Bleedin' Hat Trick

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: For those who follow on Twitter, you'll know I've run two polls recently in which three of my stories almost landed in a three-way tie.
> 
> This led me to joking about how I feared I'd have to post a collaborative one-shot of all three stories, if that was indeed the outcome...
> 
> Which then led to my subsequently joking to BananaBreakdowns and Burton and Taylor that the one-shot would consist of my indecisive self trying to pick between the three stories, with the Corrie characters making appearances in my flat to assist me with making a decision, and how they think the stories should go.
> 
> A couple mixed vodka drinks later and suddenly it wasn't a joke anymore...
> 
> I don't know what to say except, I'm sorry...

"So this is your work space then, is it?" Carla asked as she circled around the table, tutting to herself about the papers that lay in scattered piles around the laptop, as she plucked one up by her fingers, "I reckon you might need one of them desk organizer things, Cece..." She took a sip of the coffee from her mug, before giggling and leaning over to Peter, "'Eh, remember this one 'ere?"

Peter leaned over her shoulder to read the handwritten notes under the heading, _Chapter Breakdown :_ _A Casual Arrangement 19,_ and he let out a loud laugh, "Oh yeah the dress shopping. That were funny! But I mean you have to admit Cece, the way that chapter ended after Car came back from the charity event was dead clever if I do say so myself..."

"You would say so yourself, because you're the one that wrote it!" Cece muttered as she handed him a mug of coffee, still irritated that he kept managing to sneak onto her laptop and pump out various smut scenes, when she was off at work.

"Oh come on, I mean it didn't do any harm did it?"

"Peter, you changed the whole direction of the story!" Cece exclaimed, leafing through the papers in one of the piles in sheer frustration before yanking one out and standing between Carla and Peter, "See? You weren't even supposed to sleep together until chapter 16! Then you flamin' jump on my laptop and next thing I know I have to cut out a whole bunch of planned scenes because you two are having sex a whole six chapters ahead of schedule!"

"Hmm she's right," Carla nodded before pointing to a number of furiously scratched out bullet points, "oh hey, that's a shame too! That would've been dead good in there..."

"Oh, how very shocking," came the voice from the couch, and all three turned to face the woman sitting there; arms crossed, and scrolling through various Corrie scenes from 2008, "Peter Barlow moves the goalposts..."

Cece sighed, her fingers coming up the pinch the bridge of her nose, "Noeme..."

"Excuse me," Peter said incredulously, putting his mug down and turning to face her, placing both hands on his hips, "and just what exactly have I ever done to you?"

Cece mumbled, "Oh, here we go..."

"EVERYTHING!" Noeme shouted as she jumped to her feet, her 'Liarla 4ever' jumper swinging as she threw her hands above her head in a dramatic fashion, "YOU DID EVERYTHING! YOU AND YOUR DAMN CARTER-PUSHING!" she screeched, as she pointed a finger at him, "you're a pusher, Peter Barlow! You hear me? A DAMNED CARTER-LOVING CARTER PUSHER!"

Carla removed her eyes from the agitated woman and turned to Cece who stood next to her, hands on hips and head thrown back in sheer exasperation, "umm, what's a 'carter'?" she whispered

"It's your names meshed together..." Cece explained

"AND IT'S AN ATROCITY OF THE HIGHEST ACCORD!" Noeme declared, standing on the couch and raising her finger lecturingly.

"Really?" Cece raised an eyebrow at her, "of the highest accord?"

"Whatever, Ce, you know how us Canadians get when we're passionate..." Noeme grumbled as she stepped down from the sofa and slumped back into her seat, before shuffling through more 'recommended clips' on Youtube.

Peter turned to Cece, "you're Canadian?" he asked in surprise

"Really, Peter?" Cece dropped the papers she had been holding onto the table and brought her hands out to either side of her, "just where did you think this accent was from?"

"I dunno, I thought Canadians said things like, 'aboot.'" he shrugged

"Yeah Peter, and they're all lumberjacks too..." Carla rolled her eyes at him

"And live in igloos..." Cece mumbled turning back to her paperwork

"And eat blubber and own a dogsled..." Noeme piped up before scoffing, "pfft, Peter flamin' Barlow..."

Peter gestured over his shoulder to Noeme with his thumb, "seriously, is she alright?"

"I'm fine!" Noeme snapped irritably

"She's fine," Cece exhaled

"Right," Carla stated placing down her mug, "let's get back to business," she and Cece continued to leaf through papers, "so which one of your stories is the most popular?"

" _A Casual Arrangement_ ," Cece responded

"Damn right it is..." Peter smirked, winking at Carla who grinned back at him

"But, I already updated that one, so it's down to these three at the moment," she placed three handwritten notes on the table in front of them

" _I've Only Taken What Belongs To Me_ ," Peter read out, "that's the one where Carla gets amnesia right?"

"Yep,"

" _Going for the Hat Trick_ ," Carla picked up the paper, "Ahhh this is the one where Frank doesn't die after our confrontation in the factory, right?"

"Right," Cece nodded

"And, _My Heart Bleeds_ ," Peter says as he leans down over the last sheet, "oh," he stands upright abruptly, "oh yeah, I don't think we need to update that one..."

Carla crossed her arms over her chest amusingly, "and why is that, eh Pe'er?" she asked challenging, "is it because it has to do with your sordid little affair with that gobby little barmaid?"

"She-who-must-not-be-named..." Noeme stated from the couch

"Yeah," Peter agreed, nodding towards the woman still sat on the couch, "what she said,"

"Shut it, Barlow," Noeme shot him down, "Liam would have never cheated on Carla with _her._.."

"Oh, I give up with this one," Peter turned from Noeme and sighed, turning back to the papers, "fine, so which of these three is the most popular, then?"

"Well that's just it!" Cece exclaimed in frustration, sinking into the chair at the table, "everytime I put up a poll asking to decide between them, it almost always ends in a near three way tie."

"I think you should go with _My Heart Bleeds,_ " Noeme smirks, "Have Carla dump Peter and then plot twist: bring Liam back from the dead!"

Cece sighed, leaning her elbow on the table, and resting her head upon her hand, "this is her suggestion for every story I write that features you two..."

"BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY WAY THEY SHOULD EVER END!" Noeme exclaimed

Carla turned back to Cece and mouthed a, 'wow', to her.

Cece nodded before mouthing back, 'right?'

Peter furrowed his brows as he watched to two women, about to question what they were whispering about before Noeme's voice chimed up from the couch, "Hey Cece, your group chat is pinging like crazy here," she said as she held up the iPad and gestured to it, before reading some of the notifications

"Carlafanx says: 'OMG have you seen the preview clip for Monday's episode?'" she read off, "BananaBreakdowns says: 'YES! OMG Carla cuteness overload!'"

Noeme stood up from the couch and walked towards the other three, her finger scrolling through messages, as she continued to read them out loud,

"Knickermerchant says: 'I haven't been able to watch the clip yet, fill me in!' and Burton and Taylor says 'hang on, I'm going to send you a sneaky peek!'"

Cece took the iPad from Noeme as she, Peter and Carla all leaned in waiting for this 'sneaky peek' to come through. After several minutes, the tablet pinged and all four gasped in shock, as the image of Peter kissing the head of a baby that Carla held in her arms flashed onto the screen followed by an assortment of heart-eyed emojis.

Noeme was the first to break the silence that befell the group as she took a step back, her finger shakily pointing at the screen, "is-" she began stuttering, "is that child of the Carter _abomination_?!"

Peter did a double take to her, before pointing to the baby in the picture, "That's Bertie!" he stated, "you know my nephew?"

"Oh," Noeme lowered her pointed finger and sighed, "wow! Phew! Well, that was a close one," she chuckled, "cute kid, then..." she plucked the iPad out of Cece's grasp and went back to the couch

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Peter asked incredulously, his eyes darting between Carla and Cece, "Cece?" he prodded at the woman who simply lowered her head to the table and lightly banged it despairingly on the wood.

This was going to be more difficult than she thought...

**To Be Continued...**

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Special shoutout to Noeme, a massive Liam and Carla fan who never fails to make me laugh during our conversations, and to the Corrie fanfic writers, carlafanx, bananabreakdowns, the local knicker merchant, and burton and taylor, for continuing to keep this Peter and Carla drought going with their fabulous writing and updates


End file.
